I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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