I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
