why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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