she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
