he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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