i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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