WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
