Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
