if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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