She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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