I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
