my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
