mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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