New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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