Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize