You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
