I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
