she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
