please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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