My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
