And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
