I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
