can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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