I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
