I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
