im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
