It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
