I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
