someone owes me an orgasm
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
