bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just had sex on a roof
At least life still wants to fuck me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
