i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
