If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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