I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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