i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
