Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
