then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
