i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
