You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
