i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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