Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
