He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
