my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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