Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize