You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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