My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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