mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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