Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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