wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
