This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
