It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
a search helicopter?!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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