i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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