fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
