Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Say something about gay babies.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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