I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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