Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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