we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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