I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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