i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
