i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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