Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
