Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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