this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
