I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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