I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
