so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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