At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful