4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.