Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
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We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major