the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Still dying that you shit outside
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
