Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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