He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
