Got a toothbrush?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
