I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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