Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
