woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize