then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
