I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
