I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
