Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
